Steve name me one time between Basic and going into the ice that you actually followed orders. ONE. TIME.
I have feelings about this. I’m supposed to be doing work, but its hard, so I’m gonna explain them instead. Right from the start of CA:TFA we see that Steve really specifically wants to be a soldier. He knows there’s all sorts of various ways to support the war effort, but not, specifically he wants to fight on the front lines.
But Steve is never a particularly good soldier, in fact, he very specifically isn’t a good soldier. Steve is a good man not a perfect soldier. Steve NEVER has any success when he tries his hand at being a regular soldier, or even a supersoldier. In CA:TFA he ends up working with the Howling Commandos, almost entirely outside of the regular military structure and that’s when he manages all the serious heroics and really lives up to his potential. In Avengers at the beginning he tries to be a good soldier for a while and tries to follow Fury’s orders, but for the first half of the movie Steve is lost and miserable and visibly hiding behind his USO Tour “Captain America” persona. But its only when he goes off on his own, breaks into store rooms and steals Fury’s proto-type tesseract weapons, that he really gets anything done (before that he gets batted about by Loki and sort of wanders about at loose ends), and he doesn’t really get back into a leadership role and really become actual Captain America again, until he steals a quinn jet with Natasha and Clint.
And despite that, in CA:WS he’s back at Shield, trying to be ‘the greatest soldier in history’ and ‘follow orders’, and… not doing that at all…
So where does Steve’s abortive fascination with being a good soldier come from?
Partly I think its an expression of his very obvious depression. I’ve seen about umpteen criticisms of Steve’s ‘we have our orders’ line to Tony in Avengers but I think that the fact its out of character is the point. Steve is miserable, and lost, he doesn’t know what makes him happy, he doesn’t know what he wants to do with himself so he follows Nick Fury’s orders, because he has given up.
But also I think that even though Steve doesn’t really want to be the sort of person who follows orders, he to a certain extent wants to want it, sort of as the equivalent of a very bright girl who plays dumb in class because she’s been told no one likes smart girls. The good soldier is very much the model of ideal masculine success that Steve would have grown up with but wouldn’t have ever been able to achieve
Which is ironic given that the ideal male icon most of the cast of the Avengers probably grew up with… is Captain America.
The world has decided that Captain America is, in fact, a good soldier who follows orders and serves, and Captain America has swallowed Steve Rogers whole and Steve doesn’t have the strength to claw his way back out anymore. He doesn’t see a point. There is no one in the present who wants Steve Rogers around, not when they could have Captain America instead. No, not even Peggy. She says she wishes Steve could’ve lived his life but he’s telling her he wants out and she calls him dramatic and shuts him down. He picked his words so carefully, he kept his mask up the whole goddamn time and threw in a ‘nbd’ smile on at the end and still he wasn’t heard, and it doesn’t even surprise him. He’s like welp, should’ve known better.
Steve would be a good soldier if he could. He’s been trying for two years, but he’s still picking fights with his boss and taking unnecessary risks and fucking up missions because he can’t turn down a challenge. He knows his own morals don’t align with Shield’s, with Fury’s, but he’s tried to tamp the suspicion down and turn the other way, turn a blind eye so he can keep listening to the orders, to trust enough to serve, he just can’t. He can’t, its not who he is, he knows this isn’t right, but he has nothing else. He has literally nothing else. Without Shield he’d have to start all over and that’s more terrifying than the moral grays. At least the moral grays come with purpose and the chance to vent his frustrations on people he can half-way convince himself are in the wrong.
Steve isn’t happy with himself and he probably hates that he’s making these compromises, that he isn’t doing enough, that he isn’t saying enough and isn’t saying it sooner and yeah he’s challenging Fury on Project Insight but there’s shit before that he just let slide, and that was his choice, and he did it for himself, because it was what was easier, and that is selfish and wrong of him, he just doesn’t have the strength or security or courage to fight all the time anymore.
Just…Steve doesn’t know who he is anymore. He’s not Captain America—that persona was given to him prepackaged and taken away, repackaged and redefined by an entire country over nearly 70 years, he can’t be that person, that person is fictitious, they do not exist—but he’s not that kid from Brooklyn anymore, either. That kid wouldn’t have let this shit slide and he knows it. That kid would’ve set his jaw and found a way around this bullshit and done everything to make things right, and maybe he’s romanticizing his past thinking that way, but even if that kid made compromises to protect himself, they never affected as many people as the compromises he’s making now.
His ma would be so disappointed. Bucky would be so disappointed. But they aren’t here. There’s no one to call him on making these wrong choices, no one who knows him well enough to see how he’s floundering, no one who knows this isn’t like him to care what other people think, to change himself to try and become what they’re expecting him to be. Sam is the first one to even consider the possibility that Captain America may not want to be Captain goddamn America. The first one. In two years. And at this point, Steve honestly doesn’t know how to respond to that. He’s internalized what’s expected of him to the point he can’t even give an honest answer to the question of if he wants out. “No.” he says, and then has to double back with the fucking truth because Captain America has eaten him fucking whole and he doesn’t know who the fuck he is anymore.
LOOK I’M ALIVE
that guy you just called sexist? he’s the CEO of a major corporation. that guy you just called racist? he’s a cop. wait hang on I’m seeing something here
"it’s like freud always said," says the ‘psychologist’ character in the movie, making everyone in the audience who knows anything at all about psychology flinch involuntarily
Some of you are reblogging because you think its funny that programmers would talk to ducks. I’m reblogging because I think its funny picturing a programmer explaining their code, realizing what they did when they explain the bad code, then grabbing the strangling the duck while yelling “WHY WAS THE FIX THAT SIMPLE!? AM I GOING BLIND!”
AS A PROGRAMMER I CAN TELL YOU THAT THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU FUCKING DO WE HAD TO BAN THE DUCKS FROM MY CLASSES BECAUSE EVERYONE WOULD FLIP THE DUCK OR THROW IT AT A WALL OR SOMETHING WHEN THEY FIGURED OUT THE PROBLEM IN THEIR CODE
so that’s the function of a rubber duck
I feel like this is going to be the story of my life
Correct protocol for bothering a girl in a comic book store : Ask her what she’s been reading, because it is probably more interesting than what you’ve been reading.
Robstar snuggle doodle dump! ovo/
They are going to be the death of me. Someone stop me.
Homosexuality is unnatural! It says so in this book where snakes talk, people come back from the dead, a guy walks on water, and a virgin has a baby.
Last night a friend rushed me out of the house to catch the opening act at a local bar’s music night. After a few drinks I realized my phone wasn’t in my pocket. I checked the table we were sitting at, the bar, the bathrooms, and after no luck I used my friend’s phone to call mine.